Facing Demons: My Story

When I was a little girl, I dreamed of becoming a princess. I was told that I could be anything I wanted to be. I was innocent; naïve. As I grew older, I began to realize how cruel and demanding this world can be.

As I started my high school years, I began to learn about peer pressure and being able to fit into society. I made a promise to myself that I would never lose sight of who I was or what I believed in. Sadly, I broke that promise. I made myself into someone I didn’t even recognize. I made myself into what society wanted me to be. I strayed so far away from who I was. I would look in the mirror and be so disgusted with myself for letting other people’s thoughts get inside my head.

Ugly, they would say. Stupid. Not good enough. Goody-Goody. Walking mat. I began to cry. At night when no one could see me, I looked at myself in the mirror and I would cry. No one could see the invisible scars I wore on my heart. No one could see the pain that I was in. No one could see. And in my mind, even if they could, they didn’t care.  They didn’t care that every day I would point out a different flaw in myself. They didn’t care that I wasn’t happy with the person I saw. They didn’t care, and I didn’t either.

I soon began to feel like I would never be good enough. I accepted this and tried to move on. Every day was a constant battle inside my head. From the time I woke up to the time I went to bed; constant. Every thought that went through my head was degrading to myself. I gave in. I gave in to a society that thinks it can tell me who I am and who I need to be. This would be my greatest mistake; to stray away from not only who I thought I was, but who God created me to be. I knew there had to be more. There had to be another way to face the depression I was going through.

My family has always believed in God. They have always been very spiritual. I had my moments but I had never really felt God; until the day I decided to go to church just to impress some guy. That day changed my life. I heard the words, “Everything will be okay.”  In my heart, I knew what I had to do.

So, my senior year of high school, I vowed that Jesus Christ was my Lord and Savior. I got saved, and a couple of months later, I was baptized.

I knew nothing of the Bible and I certainly didn’t know much about God. I had no idea how to be a good Christian or how to lead a life of Christ. I had read that we all should go out into the world and preach the Good Word, but I didn’t know how to do that; and quite frankly, I didn’t want to.

I knew people wouldn’t listen to me. They hadn’t all my life, so why would that change now?

I continued to face my demons. I continued to try and conquer my fears, but I knew I couldn’t do it on my own.  So I got on my knees and began praying a prayer that I had been holding in for a long time.

God, grant me peace. Grant me strength. Set me free of these chains. Set my mind free of every negative thought. Stand by my side through good and bad. Stand with me when the waters get so high that I cannot stay afloat. Stand with me even when I doubt You and Your plan for my life. Stand with me, God, and I shall never stand alone.

I began to receive courage. I began to see myself as God sees me. I began to see society for what it truly is. I began to see the cruelty of this world and as I saw all these things, a hunger was growing inside of me. A hunger to help people see themselves purely and truly. A hunger to show people that God can set them free. He can show you a love that no one on this earth can.

Society wants to set standards for us. They want us to change the way we see ourselves. They want us to think it’s okay for us to try and reach goals that are unattainable. To push our bodies to be slim and sleek even though there is absolutely nothing wrong with the way we look. They want us to change the way that we think. They want us to change our morals and values all because they don’t think the same way. Society is cruel. Society does not define who you are or who you are meant to be.

God defines you. God created you for a specific purpose. He designed you Himself. He knows you better than you know yourself. God does not make mistakes. He envisioned you and loved you even before you were placed in your mother’s womb. He put a hunger inside of you, a passion, for you to bring to life. You are meant for so much more in this lifetime.

Society tries to push Christianity out of this world. The thought of God scares people because they don’t want to understand something that they know nothing about. They listen to what other people try to put inside of their head.

He is a merciful and jealous God who shows abundant amounts of love. His love is something that we cannot even fathom. No one else on this earth can give you the kind of love that He can.

He says that you are beautiful. He says that you will do wonders. He says that you will go far in this life. But most importantly, He says that YOU ARE WORTH IT!

He sent His only Son to die for you. Jesus took this pain willingly. It doesn’t matter what society thinks of you or who they try to tell you to be. God says that you are altogether beautiful and that there is no flaw in you. There is a quality and uniqueness inside of you that isn’t inside of anyone else. You are your own person.

I’m here to go on this journey with you. I’m living proof that no matter what you face, you never have to face it alone. You can get through this. You can conquer this. You CAN defeat your demons. Face them head on and led God guide your way.

Now I’m going to leave you with a prayer. I want you to speak this unto yourself. Believe every word that you are saying because I believe that you are strong enough to overcome this.

Dear Heavenly Father, I ask that you come into my heart and change it. I ask that you help me to overcome any and all obstacles that I’m facing. I ask that you come into my life and surround me with your unfailing love. I ask that you help me to face my demons. I can’t do this without your help. I want to look upon you for all of my strength, for with You I can face any army. Devil I command that you have NO AUTHORITY over my life or over me. I command that you stand down in the name of Jesus. I will no longer let you hinder over me. I will no longer let you inside of my head. I command that you BE GONE. You will no longer control me. You will no longer feed me your lies. I believe every word that Daddy God has said over me. His plan for my life is the only one that I will live by. In the name of Jesus, it is done.

God bless you all.

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5 thoughts on “Facing Demons: My Story

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  1. Thank you so much, Jade, for sharing your faith, your journey, and your resolve. God doesn’t call the equipped but equips the called. I’m glad you’re listening to Him. God bless you always.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am speechless and so bereft that you felt that way..even though I am your big sister YOU have inspired ME! I am so glad that you found the lord and that he was able to guide you and let you see the love you deserve! I am so proud of you and everything you have accomplished! You push me to accomplish everything I want to do! I love you

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Jade,
    This is amazing words and they are so true. I, too, have struggled my entire life with downgrades that came from others. You’re so fat! You’re so ugly! You’ll never be anything or anyone! But when God told me differently . . . suddenly what they all said didn’t matter to me anymore. My granny had a paper on the door to a bedroom that said, “I know I’m somebody cause God don’t make no junk!” I never knew what that meant until I got saved and started living my life for God. Now I understand completely.

    You’re such a blessing and such a beautiful young lady and I’m SO glad that Heidi has someone like you in her life as her friend. Keep up the good work and keep spreading the word. She’s read me some of the messages you sent her and you have encouraged me without even knowing it!!

    Michelle

    Liked by 1 person

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